


Dreamcatcher

by Joels_revolver



Category: The Last of Us (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Dad Joel, Ellie Gets a Hug, Father-Daughter Relationship, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, POV Ellie, POV Joel, POV Tommy, because I really fucking love Tommy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:01:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27479965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joels_revolver/pseuds/Joels_revolver
Summary: After everything that happens with David and the Fireflies, Ellie and Joel settle down in Jackson. But Ellie is not okay. She tries to hide it from Joel, but he catches on. And he helps.
Relationships: Ellie & Joel (The Last of Us)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 134





	Dreamcatcher

They used to sleep on opposite sides of the fire.

That is, if they had a fire. Sometimes they would spend the night out under the stars and the wood would be too wet to make a fire and Ellie would wake up with Joel’s jacket draped over her.

Not that they ever really acknowledged that.

Ellie would give him his jacket back with a “thanks” and Joel would usually grunt something in return. Over the weeks and months spent together, Ellie had learned to interpret various sighs and grunts coming from Joel and that one meant “you’re welcome.”

It used to annoy Ellie. After all, why wouldn’t the stubborn idiot just talk to her? But then it slowly started to amuse her to the point of fondness. 

_One day I’m gonna crack that tough heart of yours._

She’d like to think she came pretty close. That talk at the ranch house definitely cleared the air a bit.

But then Joel gets impaled on a rebar and Ellie abandons all thoughts of personal space and spends every night after that lying right next to him, one hand on his chest so she can feel his heartbeat. 

That’s when the nightmares start.

Images of her coming back from one of her scavenging trips to see Joel bled out on the floor, staring at her with empty, dead eyes, plague her mind. She only needs to stretch out a finger to feel Joel’s skin, not cold and lifeless, but burning up with a fever.

Which is an improvement. A fever she can work with. She would find some medicine and fix Joel up and he would tell her how proud he is and they would get out of this creepy town, make a cure and everything would be fine.

She doesn’t expect the medicine to come from a bunch of cannibals.

David.

He seemed… normal… at first. Nice almost in a weird sorta way. The kind of guy you’d have invited over for one of those barbecues Joel told her about.

That turns out to be bullshit. Ellie hacks his brain to a pulp and Joel has to come and save her and they get the hell out of that _fucking creepy town._

She thinks things will get better now. Joel is back on his feet, a little pale and not back to his full strength yet, but worlds better than lying unconscious on the floor. 

He doesn’t tell her how proud he is.

Ellie is relieved. She wouldn’t have wanted to hear it anyway.

They go to sleep that night- after Ellie had assured Joel multiple times that she was fine and she didn’t want to talk about it -like they always did: A few feet apart.

Her nightmare that night isn’t just about Joel anymore. It’s David kneeling over her body, his hands on her neck, his voice in her ear, and Ellie knows in her bones that Joel is dead, that she failed. Joel isn’t coming for her and Ellie is all alone and David is going to-

She wakes up with a start, hand reflexively shooting out, but instead of Joel’s warm skin, all she comes in contact with is the cold, hard floor.

And Ellie panics.

She sits up, eyes flying over the moonlit room until they land on Joel, sleeping on his back. He’s fine. Ellie knows he’s fine because she can see his chest rising and falling, which means he is breathing, so why won’t her heart stop beating out of her chest?

She tries to fight it, counts to ten in her head, counts backwards, counts to twenty, but it isn’t getting better, so she gets up, takes her sleeping mat and lays it right next to Joel’s. She blames the hole in his stomach for the fact that he doesn’t wake up when she lies down. He probably wouldn’t even wake up if she touched him, but still she doesn’t dare.

She is only going to lie here for a little while, until she calms down. Joel doesn’t need to know. If he wakes up and finds her like this, he will only worry and Ellie doesn’t want him to worry.

She falls asleep, lulled by Joel’s slow, even breaths.

***

They don’t talk about it when Ellie wakes up next to Joel’s empty sleeping mat, while he’s busy fixing up something to eat, but when they head out that day, determined to get as far away from that town as possible, Ellie thinks he sticks a little closer, talks little gentler. Sometimes she catches him looking at her with something like sadness and worry and guilt.

And Ellie hates it.

She wants things to go back to normal, back to how they’d been at the university.

Before Joel got impaled, that is.

Things had been good then. Joel had finally started to open up, had smiled around her, even laughed about her stupid jokes. Some of them at least.

Ellie supposes it’s partly her fault. She’s not really in the mood for joking.

***

They’re scavenging a house, when Ellie finds something lying on a nightstand. She picks it up, turns it over in her palm. It looks handmade.

“That’s, um, a dreamcatcher,” Joel says, “people would hang it over her beds to hold off bad dreams.”

Ellie thinks it’s stupid, but when Joel isn’t looking, she stuffs it into her pocket anyway.

Just in case.

It’s clasped tight in her hand when she lies down that evening, praying against all logic that it’ll work, that she won’t have a nightmare this time.

She’s lying on her side, back facing the room, so Joel won’t see her clutching the dreamcatcher to her chest. She is confused therefore, when she hears rustling behind her. Her back tenses, but then she realises it’s Joel lying down next to her, so close that Ellie would only need to stretch out her hand to know he’s there.

“Alright?” he breathes into the darkness of the room. 

Ellie doesn’t say anything, but she’s so grateful she could cry.

The nightmares don’t make an appearance that night, or all the nights after that. Whether that is because of the dreamcatcher or Joel sleeping next her every night, she doesn’t know. Nor does she particularly care to find out. What matters is that the nightmares are gone and she can focus on finding the Fireflies and finally making that damn cure.

***

When Ellie wakes up in a car, still wearing a hospital gown, she knows something went wrong. Joel gives her a very shaky explanation, that she finds hard to believe, but she doesn’t pry. Joel says “I swear” and Ellie chooses to believe him for the simple reason that she can’t stomach the idea of Joel lying to her. Not Joel. Not after everything they’ve been through.

So they settle down in Jackson. Ellie moves into the garage in Joel’s backyard, although Joel keeps telling her that there’s a perfectly fine bedroom she can use, but Ellie doesn’t budge.

“I’m not a child anymore,” she says and something in Joel’s face crumbles. But he lets her have the garage, so Ellie doesn’t dwell on it.

For a while things are fine.

The days when Joel’s not on patrol are spent in his house, watching a movie, reading a comic while he plucks at his guitar. Sometimes, if she’s lucky and Joel is in a particularly good mood, he even sings. When that happens Ellie lays aside her comic book and closes her eyes to listen to his voice, deep and warm. Those are the days when David and that whole winter seem very far away and Ellie can just lean back and pretend that the world isn’t a huge pile of burning garbage.

When Joel’s on patrol, she usually spends her days at the stables with that beautiful chestnut-colored mare, Shimmer, she’s falling a little bit in love with.

Tommy checks up on her more often than not, when he’s not on patrol with Joel. In fact, Joel probably asks him to, but Ellie doesn’t mind. She likes Tommy. He makes her laugh, makes her feel safe in a way not so dissimilar to Joel, with a quiet strength. Sometimes he takes her out riding with Shimmer and that alone is reason enough to put him pretty far up on her list of favorite people.

And then there’s Dina. Dina who is kind and funny and beautiful and very determined to be Ellie’s friend. Ellie doesn’t understand why, but she’s not about to discourage her, not when Dina makes her stomach do somersaults every time she so much as looks in Ellie’s direction.

So yeah. Things are good.

The world is not ever going to be okay, but maybe Ellie doesn’t need the whole world. She just needs this. Jackson and Joel and Tommy and Dina. This could be enough. She could make this her own little world and forget all about David and the Fireflies and the cure.

She hasn’t even had a nightmare in the weeks living in Jackson, not a real one at least. Only that dream about the plane she told Joel about, or she’s driving a car, but can’t reach the pedals and ends up mowing down a bunch of people. They’re not pleasant dreams, but they sure are better than dreaming about David, or Joel bleeding out, so she’s not about to complain.

Then one day Joel tells her that he’ll be on patrol for the next three days.

“Three days, huh…”

Ellie tries to appear unbothered, but deep down the thought of Joel being away from her for three whole days scares her more than she wants to admit. The longest they’ve ever spent apart, _really_ apart, was one night and that was only because fucking David locked her in a fucking cage.

“Yeah, the outpost is pretty far out. Reckon I’ll be back Friday evening.”

“Okay,” Ellie says and it sounds uncertain even to her own ears.

“Ellie,” Joel begins in what Ellie had mentally labelled as his concerned Dad voice, “I don’t have to go. I can tell Tommy to find someone else or-”

“No, it’s totally fine. I just didn’t know patrols could be that long, surprised me, is all…”

A beat passes. Ellie doesn’t need to look at Joel to know he’s worried.

“You sure?”

“Yes, Joel, I’m sure, for fuck’s sake.” 

Ellie regrets the words as soon as they come out. She didn’t mean to snap at him. She’s just angry with herself. Him being gone for a few days shouldn’t frighten her as much as it does. She’s fourteen, for fuck’s sake, not four.

“Okay,” Joel says quietly.

Ellie watches anxiously as he packs his gear. They don’t talk. Ellie sits on the couch, knees pulled to her chest, hating herself a little for the frown on Joel’s face. She looks away when Joel walks to the door, ready to leave. Out of the corner of her eye she sees him stop in the doorway, one hand on the doorknob. For a second she thinks he’s gonna say something, but he just sighs and moves to close the door.

Ellie has jumped up before she even decided to do so and hurries the few steps across the room.

“Hey Joel.”

Joel stops, turning around to look at her. “Yeah?”

Ellie hesitates, grasping at her fingers. “Be careful,” she finally says.

Joel smiles, part relieved, part reassuring. “I’ll keep an eye out for that movie you want to watch, how’s that sound?”

Ellie grins. “Deal.”

***

She wakes up gasping for breath, throat tight with the feeling of David's hands on her. Her hand flies to her chest where it feels like her heart is trying to crawl its way out. She kicks the blanket away, fumbling for the light switch. The room is doused in light but it doesn't get better. She stumbles out of bed, her back hitting a wall. Sliding down she hugs her legs to her chest and drops her forehead on her knees. She tries to suck in big lungfuls of air, but it feels like the oxygen never reaches her lungs.

Panic, Ellie realises. She's panicking.

She wants- She needs-

Joel.

Ellie gets up without thinking about it. She runs across the yard, until she reaches Joel's porch where she stops in her tracks, because what the hell is she doing? Joel isn't fucking here. He's on that stupid patrol and isn't coming back for another night and Ellie is all alone.

Suddenly she feels like crying.

Stupid fucking David and stupid fucking nightmares and stupid fucking Joel for leaving her alone.

And now she's crying. Fuck.

Okay. Breathe, Ellie.

If she can't have Joel she's gonna get the next best thing. She enters the house and climbs the stairs to his bedroom where she rummages through his closet until she finds what she's looking for. His old shirt, the one he was wearing when they first met. He barely wears it anymore- too many holes and bloodstains that won't go away, no matter how often he washes it- he won't even notice it's gone.

She takes it back to the garage, lies down with it in her bed. It smells like coffee and wood and something that feels suspiciously like home. Or maybe that's just Joel.

She falls asleep with the shirt pressed to her nose. The rest of the night passes nightmare free, but it's far from restful.

The next day Ellie wakes up tired and spends her time hiding in Joel's house, reading, practicing her guitar, doodling in her sketchbook and counting the hours until Joel gets home.

She doesn't go to sleep at all that night, instead she watches the entire _Back to the Future_ trilogy- one of Joel's favourites, but it's only half as fun without him.

When the sun rises it's still hours until Joel gets back. Tommy is on patrol with him, so there's not much use in going to the stables. Dina would probably do a good job of taking Ellie's mind off it, but Dina will also notice that something's wrong and she will want to talk about it.

And Ellie really _really_ doesn't want to talk about it. All she'll get are looks of pity and worry and Ellie wants neither of those.

So she stays in Joel's house. Again. And tries not to fall asleep, which is a lot harder than it usually is given that she's fucking exhausted after a sleepless night and has nothing to do.

Finally, just after seven, she hears Joel's heavy steps on the porch, followed by the click of the front door opening.

"Hey," Joel says when his eyes find Ellie sitting on the couch.

"Hi," Ellie replies, putting her comic book away and moving to get up to-

To what, to hug him?

That's what she wants to do, she realises. But they don't really do that, they don't hug. They've only ever done that once and that was right after Ellie got almost killed and then probably eaten by a cannibal, so she thinks she deserved that one.

Now though? Nothing happened. Joel was gone for three days and that's it, so instead of hugging Joel she hugs her knees to her chest.

"How was patrol?"

"Oh, you know," Joel begins, taking off his jacket and backpack, "uneventful. How about you, what you’ve been up to?”

“Eh, not much.”

Joel fixes her with a frown. “You alright?”

“Yeah,” Ellie replies, not quite managing to keep the nervousness out of her voice, “why?”

“You just… look a bit tired.”

“I’m fine,” and then before Joel can pry any further, she adds, “hey, did you find that movie I wanted to watch?”

“‘fraid not, but I think I found a suitable replacement.” He reaches into his backpack and pulls out a movie to give it to Ellie.

" _Into the Universe with Stephen Hawking._ "

"It's a documentary about space and the universe and... all that," Joel clarifies, “Hawking was a- "

"Yeah, I know who Stephen Hawking is."

"How- You have never heard of Johnny Cash, but you know who Stephen Hawking is?"

" Joel, Stephen Hawking was the most brilliant physicist, cosmologist and just overall space master. Of course I know who he is."

Joel smiles. "Right. 'Course you do."

“Where did you find this?" Ellie asks, inspecting the back of the cover.

"There was this one house, entire bookshelves filled with documentaries. Brought a bunch of them with me if you wanna take a look at those."

"Nope, we're watching this one."

Stephen Hawking, man. No way she was gonna pass this up.

"Alright, put it in. I'll just- "

“ _make myself some coffee_ -I know Joel."

***

The documentary is great. Ellie has only ever seen pictures of space in books, not, you know, moving ones on screen, so this is great. Fascinating even. But Ellie is also so, so tired. Two nights with little to no sleep have left their marks. Ellie's eyelids keep drooping, her head keeps tipping to the side. She tries to stay awake, after all, the document is fucking awesome, but eventually she can't fight it anymore. Her head tips to the side, landing on something firm.

Joel's shoulder, she notices, and then sleep claims her.

***

"So," Tommy says, sitting down next to Ellie at the cliffside, "how are you?"

Ellie narrows her eyes at him. “Why?"

Tommy shrugs. "No reason, just thought I'd check in."

"No, you said it weird, like you think there's something wrong."

Tommy laughs. "Damn, Joel was right about you."

"About what?"

"That you can smell bullshit from a mile away," he says, giving her a nudge with his shoulder, "although he phrased a little differently."

“Well, seeing that I called you out on your bullshit, are you gonna tell me what this is really about?"

"Alright, don't tell him I told you that, but... Joel's worried about you."

"Why, I'm fine," Ellie says with a small nervous chuckle.

"He says you're... distant sometimes. Now, " Tommy continues before Ellie can interrupt, "I'm not about to tell you if he's right or not, all I'm saying is, _if_ there's something wrong, talk to someone. Me or Joel or Dina or whoever you feel comfortable with. Bottle it up and you end up like Joel."

"Which is?"

"A grumpy old bastard."

Ellie ducks her head with a smile and gazes off into the distance. They're pretty far out this time. Jackson is just a small speck in the landscape, nestled between mountains and trees. Shimmer and Tommy's horse are grazing behind them.

"We should probably head back," Tommy says with a tab to her shoulder, "Joel will be back from patrol soon."

Ellie is grateful he didn't pry further. Does she want to talk about it? No. Should she talk about it? Probably. Although she doesn't see what good it would do. Talking about it will only make her think about and she's trying to avoid that at all costs.

No, she's quite comfortable not ever mentioning that shithead's name.

***

Ellie revises that thought when she wakes up from a nightmare again. Tears of frustration fill her vision as she sits up in bed with her feet planted on the floor, and her eyes fall on the dreamcatcher she has pinned above her bed. In a sudden spike of anger she rips it off the wall and hurls it across the room.

_Stupid fucking dreamcatcher doesn't work for shit._

The only nightmare-free night she's had lately was on Joel's couch when she'd fallen asleep during the documentary. She'd woken up past noon that day. Joel had been about to start on their lunch and had half jokingly said he'd been about to check if she hadn't died in her sleep. He'd said it with a smile, but there'd been an undertone of worry in his voice, like what he'd really wanted to ask was _Are you okay?_. But Ellie had just shrugged and laughed it off.

Now she's starting to think that maybe she should talk to him. Pretending everything is fine probably worries him a lot more than knowing the truth would, so Ellie takes a breath, puts on some clothes and walks over to his house.

But she doesn't enter.

Her hand hovers over the doorknob, unsure about her next steps. It's the middle of the night, which means Joel is sleeping, which means that she'll have to wake him up which he sure as hell won't be pleased about and then-

Then what?

Tell him she's having nightmares every damn night? That she's so fucking exhausted all the time and wishes it would all just stop? What is he gonna do about it?

Ellie lets her hand fall to the side as she leans her back against the wall. A shuddering sigh escapes her and she slides down, hugging her legs to her chest. Her head drops back against the wall. Ellie closes her eyes.

She has no idea what to do.

___________________________________________________________

Joel is walking his way home through the night. The air is pleasantly cool for June, though he's nevertheless glad when his house comes into view. After half a day on patrol and then hours on watch duty he's looking forward to finally falling into bed and getting a good few hours of shut eye. He walks past Ellie's garage, briefly wondering if he should check in, but no. It's past midnight. Ellie will be sleeping.

He doesn't at all expect her to sit on his front porch.

"Ellie? The hell are you doing there?" 

Ellie snaps her head up from where it's been resting on her knees, looking at Joel with wide eyes. "The hell are you doing here, I thought you'd... be inside."

"I covered for someone at the gate. You alright?"

"I..." Ellie's voice falters. She sighs like she just lost a fight that's been raging inside her. "I can't sleep."

Joel approaches her slowly. "How long have you been sitting there?"

Ellie fidgets where she sits, pulling her legs closer. "Not that long..."

That could mean anything between a few minutes and several hours. Joel sighs, not annoyed, but worried and says with a gesture of his head, "C'mon. Let's get you inside.

Ellie hesitates, "You sure? I mean, you’re probably tired right?"

"I'm not." He is really, but whatever happened that made Ellie sit outside his house for _not that long_ is definitely more important than getting a good night's sleep. "Come on."

Joel opens the door and Ellie follows him inside.

"How does some hot chocolate sound, hm?"

Ellie sends him a small smile, but it doesn't reach her eyes. "Yeah, Sounds good."

"Sit down then, I'll be with you in a minute."

Joel goes into the kitchen to heat up the milk and chocolate, all the while stealing glances at Ellie. The smile from a moment ago has disappeared, replaced by... tiredness. It's something he's seen a lot on her since.... well if he's being honest ever since he found her in that burning building, hacking a man's face to bits. She looks weighed down, Joel thinks, like there's something pulling at her, dragging her down and the only thing keeping her up right is her pure strong will.

Christ, she looks older than him somehow.

Joel hates it. Hates it because there's nothing he can do to make it easier for her. He knows that much from experience. That kind of pain stays with you. It may lose its sharpness over time, but it doesn't leave.

And Joel can't protect her from that. He hates that most of all.

He pours the milk chocolate mix into two mugs and carries them over to Ellie. She accepts her mug with a mumbled thanks, taking it into both her hands, as if she’s trying to warm them up. Joel sits down next to her on the couch, taking a sip from his drink. And for a while they just sit there in silence. It's not awkward or strained, but it's heavy with words unspoken, with the weight of whatever Ellie is carrying on her shoulders.

"Do you..." Ellie starts, nervously running her fingers over the rim of her mug, "do you still have nightmares sometimes?”

"Sometimes, yeah."

"About Sarah?" she asks carefully, like she's afraid she's going too far.

If she had asked him that question a year ago, he would probably have given her a vaguely affirmative grunt and left it at that. But that's not the man he is anymore, at least not with Ellie, so he makes sure to look her in the eyes when he says, "not just Sarah anymore."

Something flickers in Ellie's eyes at his words, something like surprise and maybe relief, but before Joel can be sure her eyes face downwards again.

"What do you do?" she asks. "When you have a nightmare, I mean."

"Not much I can do. I just... turn the other way and try to get my mind off it." Joel pauses. "Doesn't always work, though, does it?"

Ellie shoots him a quick glance, before looking at her mug again. “No," she says, putting the mug on the coffee table, "it doesn't."

Joel studies her as she pulls her legs up, hugging them to her chest. She looks so small, nothing like the confident Ellie he first met. It makes his heart hurt.

"What are your nightmares about,” he asks gently.

Ellie doesn't look at him. She pulls her hands into her lap, fiddling with her fingers.

“About David," she says. Joel has never heard that name, but it's not hard putting name and man together. “And you and... that whole winter."

Her answer doesn't come as a surprise, god knows Ellie is not the only one having nightmares about those weeks, but it nevertheless constricts something in his chest.

He was meant to be the protector, not her.

"Ellie, listen to me," Joel says, putting his mug on the table and scooting closer to her, "everything you feel when you think of... that... that will never go away, not completely. It will forever be a part of you, but I need you to know that that's okay, because that part of you is just as beautiful and precious as the rest of you, alright?” Joel waits to make sure his words reach her. “ It's okay not to be okay all the time.”

Ellie sniffs. "Kinda sucks, though."

"Yeah, "Joel says in a huffed out laugh that isn't a laugh at all, "it does." He pauses, eyes trained on Ellie's face, before looking away. “Look, I..." His hand travels to his watch, thumb stroking over the broken glass. "I know I'm not the best role model when it comes to this but… talking helps. Doesn't have to be now, doesn't even have to be me, but... I'm here. Just want you to know that."

Ellie's eyes when she looks at him are filled with such pained gratitude that something breaks loose in Joel's chest.

"Come here," he breathes out and pulls Ellie close. She sacks into his side, letting out a shaky breath. Joel has one arm around her shoulders, the other hand on the back of her head as he presses his lips into her hair.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there."

"Well…” Ellie says with a forced lightheartedness, “you were sorta preoccupied with not dying so... you're forgiven.”

Joel lets out a breath, resting his chin on Ellie's head.

If only he could forgive himself as easily as Ellie does.

She falls asleep there, tucked against his side. Joel waits until her breaths are long and even, before he carefully lifts her up and carries her to his bedroom. He lays her down, covering her with his blanket and lies down next to her. He doesn't plan on sleeping, though. This time if Ellie has a nightmare, he'll be there.

But she doesn’t. 

___________________________________________________________

The clicker comes running towards him, screeching and flailing his arms about. Tommy lines up his shot, but before he can pull the trigger Joel's machete strikes down, once, twice, chopping the head clean off. The clicker goes to the ground a few feet before Tommy, twitching one last time before lying still.

"Jeez, who pissed into your coffee this morning?"

Joel sheaths his machete. “No one, let's just finish up here."

Tommy shrugs. “Fine by me."

They go off into opposite directions, Joel taking the upper floor of the house. Tommy searches the rooms on his floor and finds them mercifully free of infected.

"Think we're clear!" he calls up to Joel.

They meet back at the horses, Tommy stowing away his rifle in the saddle.

"You go ahead." Joel says to him, not quite meeting his eyes, "I'll catch up with you."

Tommy looks at him with a raised eyebrow. "Uh, why?"'

"Just something I need to pick up, is all."

Tommy knows his brother well enough to notice the forced nonchalance in his tone.

"Well, I ain't too busy right now. Could do with another stop."

"You're not coming with me, Tommy."

"No one goes out alone, not even you and I don't see anyone else 'round here willing to take the part."

Joel sends him a dark look, one that would probably send anyone who isn't Tommy (or Ellie) running home as quickly as their legs could carry them.

But Tommy isn’t anyone.

"That look don't work on me," he says, mounting his horse. Out of the corner of his eye he sees Joel slumping his shoulders in defeat.

"This way,” Joel says grudgingly when he's in the saddle.

"Where are we going?"

"None of your business.”

"Well, good to know some things don't change."

Joel grunts something in return that has Tommy hiding a grin.

Yup. Still good old Joel.

They're riding in the direction of an abandoned town, that much Tommy can tell. What his brother is hoping to find there, however, is a mystery to him. Patrols have gone through there dozens of times- place is picked clean. He doubts telling that Joel would do anything to deter him, though, so he keeps his mouth shut.

And quite frankly Tommy is curious. Last time Joel had been so secretive about where he's going, his girlfriend had turned out to be pregnant.

Tommy is kind of hoping it's not that again.

***

"Electronics store? What exactly are you hoping to find here?"

"A toaster."

"Really?"

"No."

"Huh." Tommy scratches at his beard. "A toaster doesn't actually sound so bad."

”Well good, you keep an eye out for that then."

Joel pushes at the doors to the store, but unsurprisingly they don't budge. Tommy watches half in amusement, half in horror as Joel fishes a shiv out of his pocket and breaks the door open.

"You know, we've got knives in Jackson. Hunting knives, army knives, switchblades..."

"What are you on about?"

"You could get yourself one of those is all I'm saying."

Joel doesn't dignify that with a response and enters the store. He starts rifling through shelves and rummaging through drawers, carelessly casting things aside, creating all sorts of racket. Whatever he's looking for must be mighty important. Joel's not usually so... reckless when it comes to looting and creating noise.

Tommy takes a subtle look through the window to see if they're getting any unwanted company.

"You know," he says, casting his gaze over the street, "this could go a lot faster if you just told me what you're looking for."

"Shut up, Tommy." Joel's voice comes muffled from another room." Goddamn electronics store, you'd think they’d have-"

And that's when his muttering abruptly stops.

Curiosity piqued, Tommy walks over to the storage room to find Joel lying face down on the floor, one arm stuck under one of those big storage cabinets.

"The hell are you doing down there?"

Joel lets out a frustrated huff. "Goddammit."

He gets up and promptly pushes the cabinet over. It lands with a resounding crash, making Tommy flinch and reach for his gun.

"Christ, Joel, alert every clicker in a ten mile radius, why don't you."

Joel seems unperturbed as he bows down to pick up whatever he was trying to reach before. He inspects the package, turning it over in his hand. Seemingly satisfied he meets Tommy's gaze.

"I need this,” he says, waving the thing around for emphasis, and walks past Tommy. Tommy catches up with him, peeking over Joel's shoulder to get a closer look at whatever is so important to his brother.

“A pair of walkie-talkies?" The toaster would have surprised him less. “What the hell do you need walkie-talkies for?"

Joel shoots him a sidelong glance as they step out of the store.

"Ellie's been having nightmares and, uh, I'm hoping this'll help."

That has Tommy stopping in his tracks. He stares after Joel as he's getting on his horse, a slow smile spreading over his face.

"What," Joel asks pointedly without looking at Tommy.

"Nothin', it's just..." Tommy hesitates for a moment, wondering if he should say his next words, if Joel is ready to hear them, or if it's a step too far. But then he decides _screw it_ because they’re true whether Joel wants to hear them or not. Hell, maybe he needs to hear them.

"It's just good seeing you being a father again, is all," he says like it's no big deal and mounts his horse. When he looks at Joel, his brother is staring down at the walkie-talkies, a thoughtful look, on his face. Tommy thinks he can see a hint of grief in there, too, but then Joel turns his head to look at him and all traces of grief are gone, replaced by the smallest of smiles.

"Yeah," Joel says and after a second he flicks the reins to send his horse into a trot.

They ride in silence for a little while before Joel speaks again.

"That mean you're Uncle Tommy again?"

He smiles.

_Uncle Tommy._

Yeah, he likes the sound of that.

___________________________________________________________

"No, no, no, are you kidding me?"

Next to her Joel is snickering into his coffee mug.

"Joel! Did you know this was gonna happen?"

" 'course I knew."

"Well, tell me what happens next."

“Nope."

"Joel."

"I ain't telling you. Be grateful I'm not making you wait a year."

Ellie crosses her arms with a frustrated huff. "Can't believe I watched a four hour long movie and then it ends in a cliffhanger."

"Wait till we get to part two, that cliffhanger is even worse."

Ellie slumps back into the couch. "You're awful."

"Just... watch the credits."

"Why, they're just credits."

"Because," Joel says with a sigh that Ellie mentally translates to _kids are exhausting but I've accepted my fate_ , "it's part of the experience."

The minutes tick by as name after name rolls over the screen.

"These are the longest fucking credits I've ever seen."

"Hm.

Ellie turns her head. “Are you falling asleep?”

“...no."

"Well, I am. Think I'm turning in." Ellie gets up, but Joel puts a hand on her shoulder, before she can walk to the door.

“Wait, before you go, I got something for you." Joel disappears into his bedroom and comes back a moment later, holding something in his hand.

"It's a walkie-talkie," he says when he stops in front of Ellie.

Ellie shoots him a questioning glance.

“You'll take this one with you and I'll put mine on my nightstand, and when you have a nightmare, you _talk_ to me. Doesn't matter if it's the middle of the night. I'll be there." 

Ellie carefully takes the walkie-talkie from his hand like it's something precious and not just a cheap piece of plastic.

Joel hooks his now empty hand in his belt. "This doesn't mean that you can't come over, you know. This is just an idea. You don't even have to talk to me if you’d rather talk to someone else. Dina or-"

"Joel."

"...yeah?”

Ellie looks up at him, seeing a rare vulnerability in his eyes, a nervousness that is untypical for him. She thinks back on the moment when he came back from that patrol and Ellie wanted to hug him, but didn't. She thinks about the other night when she finally told him about her nightmares and he pulled her into his arms like it was second nature to him.

And then something settles in her chest. Joel loves her. And she loves him. It’s not a huge _Holy shit_ -moment because nothing has changed, not really. It's more of a quiet _Oh.So that's what this is. It's been there all this time_

And Ellie takes a step forward and hugs Joel. Her arms go around his ribs as his go around her shoulders.

"Thank you," she breathes into his chest.

Joel's arms tighten around her shoulders, “you're welcome, kiddo."

***

_You can try beggin'_.

Ellie startles awake, a strangled gasp escaping her lips. With a pounding heart she kicks away the blanket, suddenly feeling far too hot, and claps her hands over her face. The balls of her palms press into her eyes, trying to erase the images that are forever ingrained in her mind.

Fuck David and fuck these nightmares. She's so sick of them.

She turns her head to the side to look at the clock, but instead her eyes land on the walkie-talkie Joel gave her. Hesitantly she reaches out to pick it up.

He said she should talk to him. Joel doesn't say things he doesn't mean.

Right?

Ellie looks at the time - just past two. He'll be sleeping now, probably has patrol in the morning.

She should really let him sleep but...

She sighs.

But.

Holding her thumb on the button, she raises the walkie-talkie to her mouth.

"Joel? You there?"

Barely a second passes until Joel's voice comes crackling through the speaker.

"I'm here, kiddo."

Ellie lets out a sigh of relief.

Joel doesn't sound sleepy at all when he asks, "you alright?" making Ellie wonder if he’s just lain awake this entire time.

"Yeah, I just... had another one of these stupid nightmares."

Joel hums. "Wanna tell me about it?"

"It's just..." Ellie sighs. "Same as always. I'm locked in this cage and there's a guy chopping people into pieces, David is chasing me through that burning building with his fucking machete and his creepy voice, you’re dead and-"

Ellie cuts herself off, realising that she's never actually told him all that before.

And then there's Joel's voice , warm and soft, "do you want me to come over?"

"I just want to forget about him," she says and she hates how small her voice sounds.

There's silence on the other end, long enough to make Ellie wonder if Joel is still there but then: "Did I ever tell you about the time when I sang in a talent contest to impress a girl?"

Ellie is startled at first at the sudden change of topic, then she smiles.

"You did not."

"Well, buckle up 'cause it's pretty embarrassing."

Ellie makes herself comfortable, turning on her side and pulling the blanket up to her chin. "Alright, I'm all ears."

And Joel launches into his story about how he was in highschool and how apparently everyone and their dog had shown up to that contest. He tells her about how he remembers standing on stage and seeing a nine-year-old Tommy sitting in front row, grinning from ear to ear, and with every word he says David slips farther and farther away.

"Were you, like, really bad?" Ellie asks, smiling at the mental picture of a fifteen-year-old Joel singing on stage, clutching his guitar.

"Nope, actually came in second place."

"Oh, look at you go. So what was so embarrassing?"

Joel takes a breath. "Well, after the whole thing was done I walked up to the girl and-"

“-confessed your undying love for her?"

" _No_. I just asked her if she wanted to go out with me some time."

"Smooth. And?"

" _And_ she... turned me down. Think she hooked up with whoever made first place."

"Ouch."

"Indeed."

Ellie thinks to herself for a moment. "was his name Brandon?''

"What?"

"The guy she hooked up with, was his name Brandon? He seems like a Brandon to me. Guys like him are always called Brandon. Or Brad, which is even worse."

"I- no," Joel chuckles." I don't think so. How did you come up with that?"

"Military school is surprisingly boring which means I had way too much time to read cheesy teen dramas. Trust me, there's always a Brandon.

"I'll take your word for it."

Ellie turns on her back, hooking on arm under her head. "What was the girls' name?"

There's a pause on Joel's end. "Uhm..."

"You forgot her name? No wonder she turned you down."

"No, no, I got it. It's uhm... shit. Beth, Samantha, Diana..." Joel stops in his enumeration of random names and for a moment there's only static crackle. Then, "Huh. Actually might have been Phil."

And that wipes Ellie's brain clear for a second.

"What?" she asks with a startled laugh, "did your mystery girl suddenly turn into a guy?"

"Well, I'm a little hazy on the details, it was over thirty years ago, you know."

"Ah, yes. Yes I am. Had you for a second though."

"You did not."

"Ellie, I heard the sound of all thought leaving your brain till here."

"Shut up. That is not true."

"Well, I got you laughin', didn't I?"

Ellie can hear the smile in his voice and hopes he can hear hers.

"You did."

Ellie yawns, only now noticing how tired she is.

"Joel?"

"Hm?"

"I think I'm going to sleep now."

"Alright then. Sleep well now.”

Ellie is only half awake when she mumbles "love you," but she’s pretty sure she hears Joel say "love you, too, kiddo," before she falls asleep.

***

She wakes with the sun shining through the thin curtains, but for once she doesn’t turn on her other side with an annoyed huff. Ellie feels rested in a way she hasn't felt in a long time. She sits up in bed, rubs the sand out of her eyes. Her gaze lands on the dreamcatcher she threw into the corner a few nights ago and a smile stretches over her lips, because she doesn't need a dreamcatcher.

She has something much better.

**Author's Note:**

> They watched The Lord of the Rings btw.
> 
> Also I'm aware that that's not quite how walkie-talkies work but I, uh, ignored that.


End file.
